Sometime during the third consecutive night spent huddled over the toilet, insides heaving and shuddering as I vomit forth seemingly everything I’d ever eaten, I realize what’s happening: He’s trying to poison me. It’s all so elegant, so perfect, and so clear, that I almost laugh, but another barrage of retching forces me into silence
The next morning I throw everything in the kitchen away, wrapping it three times in black plastic and burying it deep in the apartments communal trash cans, to prevent an unfortunate transient from crossfire of His wrath. I am out the door of the complex and halfway to the corner store when I realize: He knows, must know, where I would shop.
I pick a direction and walk, enjoying the chill winter air that soothes the ragged shreds of my inside. I turn at random intervals, following an improbable path out of my familiar neighborhood, until I find a small shop with an unfamiliar name. Once inside, I hurriedly fill a small plastic basket; brands that I never have eaten, strange tins of ethnic ingredients I can’t recognize, foods that I’d never thought of buying. Soy milk. Tofu. I can feel my stomach reborn in anticipation of an untainted meal.
I prepare the meal in a fog of nervous anticipation, trying to focus on savoring the aromas and the grease spitting sounds of the frying pan. It tastes clean, but then, so has every other meal before this. I try to tell myself that the mounting pain inside me is simple fear and anxiety, but before the stroke of midnight, I am again crouched in the dingy bathroom, surrendering the days work into the porcelain mouth of the sewer.

Yes!
Wow, disgustingly interesting. Or interestingly disgusting. One of the best.
reminds me of barricade
o.o I can stomach organs being devoured from a living persons body, butcher shops….but you found my one weakness… Oral related problems. Great work! I really loved reading this one, for some reason reminded me of North, but thats far from a bad thing. Happy Holidays, and great work once more!
Holy crap, that was good. I am truly curious as to who “He” is and why “He” is tormenting the narrator so greatly. Very intriguing story!
Your best writing, to me, stems from the brilliance of the little details (working loose a molar from the mouth? Gross out points, plus sheer stark psychological trauma!) and the stories work best when they’re built like a pyramid around those details.Previously I’d say you’ve had much success with leaving some of the overarching stuff intentionally vague, but here it feels contrived. Maybe it’s the vernacular (every time I read “Algorithm”) or maybe it’s something else, but I can’t quite articulate my feelings on this one beyond this: it doesn’t stick. Those brushstrokes of detail juxtaposed with a total lack of comprehension as to the main Who and Why – that’s usually a good combination, but I just don’t like this one very much.Still, definitely not a bad effort, and I don’t regret the read at all.
I enjoy this one. It recaptures that “inescapable doom” feeling that was present in North.I hate to nit-pick the storyline, but it seems to me that if this Algorithm can predict a random candy bar he picked out in a random store, wouldn’t it be able to predict the fact that at some point he’d become cannibalistic? Maybe that’s just what He was trying to get the narrator to do in the first place, though.
This isn’t in relation to this particular story. I just wanted to ask if you’d ever consider using a female lead? All your main characters seem to be males, not that there’s anything wrong with that, and I’m not some crazy feminist, I just think it’d be interesting to see what you could do with a female lead.
Hello all. Thanks again for the feedback. A little bit of background for this: I put a considerably smaller effort into this story, as my time was limited. As such, it doesn’t has the back story or foundation I build for some of my other works. As a bit of a break from tradition, the overarching mythology (“He”, the Algorithm) are purely inventions of the narrator. I envisioned this as the narrative of a good and intelligent person driven to violence by his mental illness; the outside elements he blames are just his externalizations of the illness.It’s definitely not as satisfying a result in the finished product, but I never thought “He” was anything but the narrators personification of his symptoms. As such, “the Algorithim” is not perfect, because he’s not really being poisoned or harassedAs for my viewpoints, it wasn’t until the last comment here that I noticed that I write in first person with male narrators roughly 100% of the time so far… This is something I will try to change up to practice later, but at the moment, I’m not sure if I’m confident enough as a writer to pull it off. We’ll see.
Likely, JK would need to use the women in his life as models for his protagonists. Given his chosen genre of the moment, I’m not sure he could do that to them.
Great story, though I find it slightly odd and/or worrying that nobody else seemed to cotton on to the fact that the narrator was just a paranoid schizophrenic inventing conspiracies.It seemed quite obvious to me.Bizarre.
The nice little twist at the end made my eyes bulge out a little bit, I was so surprised. Your originality is to be applauded, and your skill at lacing words together is absolutely fantastic. You, sir, are gifted. I’m pretty sure I’ve never placed that term on anyone else.
If I may be honest… I preferred the story without your explanation. With just the story by itself, since we're only hearing it from the narrator's perspective, there's always the doubt that he might be right. That he wasn't insane in the first place, but was driven insane by his circumstances, as impossible as they seem. Being able to know for sure that he was just paranoid in the first place takes away that worrying element.
You may always be honest, that's the point of feedback.I try (and often fail) to present these stories with out commentary initially, as I definitely prefer the possibilities of ambiguity.For the most part, I myself try no to commit to one interpretation or another unless it's absolutely necessary, and I'm actually quite shocked at my specificity in the comments from last year. I genuinely intended this to be open to interpretation. Surely, mental illness is the easy, neat, clean interpretation, and the model I tried to adhere to when writing, but the presence of a nearly omnipotent poisoner is a damned eerie conceit, one I'm not willing to rule out completely.These things seem to have a life of their own when I set them down. I like the idea that the creator is now arguing himself for the true meaning…
A cannibal channeling Gordon Freeman? Brilliant!But in all seriousness, I really like this one.
I hate to comment on a story that was posted so long ago, but I just finished reading through all your works and I was… stunned. Floored. The best of these are better than any short story I'd ever read, and the worst are still astoundingly good. Anyway, I might be overanalyzing this, but I loved the way that I couldn't ever tell whether he was sane even after the end, and I switched my opinion on his sanity twice while reading it. Update more. I need something to fill the empty pit my life has become.
Just thought I should add this, since no one pointed it out and I'm certain more people have thought of it:For me, "He" is God. And the story swings from a non-benevolent and non-omnipotent God that has a grudge with the narrator, and a delusional guy.Or something in between.