An updated, leaner and crisper version of this story is available in the anthology “A Quick Bite of Flesh” from Hazardous Press, on Kindle or Paperback.
I’m about to do a very stupid thing.
I know it’s stupid. I know it. But I don’t think I have a choice anymore. And I have to do it now, while I have the nerve and the will and while my hands are still steady.
I’m sick. I’ve always been sick. Some days are better than others. When I was young my parents prayed that it might just be a precursor of the onset of epilepsy, but the seizures never came. I just… can’t trust myself.
I see things. On some days, I can hear them and smell them too. I should say that I used to see them. After being on every possible combination of pills three doctors could come up with, I thought we’d finally found the right chemical key for my misfiring brain. It’s been six years of stability and relative normalcy, trading a halfway house for a tiny studio apartment, a collection of mostly tolerable side-effects, and a steady job. I realize this probably sounds dull for most people, but I cherished every moment of that achingly simple monotony.
It went bad all at once.
Cameron Suey
The vague, uneasy ending is a nice touch. I also like how he’s schizophrenic (maybe)…it makes you wonder. Adding little facts about his past, such as how his episodes were when he was younger, being homeless, etc, as the story went on was good too.I personally hate it when past, present, and sometimes the future is all in its one seperate part, instead of being interspersed throughout. Well done.
I had posted this Sunday night creepypasta idea some time ago. You did it beautifully I might add. My hats off to you.I had another idea for you to draw some inspiration. First, read this very short wiki article about a place in Japan where people go to kill themselves very often:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aokigahara_forestLots of ideas spring from that. Perhaps there’s something preying on people there? It draws them there and then feeds off their souls. Perhaps a story about one person going their to kill himself and encountering such a being/creature would be good? Maybe he’d want to live after encounter it and try to get away? Or, maybe all those people were persuaded by unknown forces to go there and kill themselves. etc etcJust a thought.
His mental issues are unimportant.By that, I mean, while it’s important to his character, I don’t see it as important to the overall story. In fact, I interpreted it as merely coincidental. What I’m thinking here is zombies.No, seriously. The impression I got throughout the whole thing was that it was zombies. Yes, the narrator is unbalanced and has issues. But I think zombies fit pretty well.Think about it. He goes out and all is quiet and still. The door is hanging open, when it should usually be locked and he can smell smoke in the distance. Smoke obviously signifies some sort of fire nearby. The streets are empty. This scenario is one commonly presented in zombie tales, whether it be movies or stories. Like the Dawn Of The Dead remake, for instance. What do you see ten minutes in? Virtually empty streets, cars and buildings on fire. That’s what I pictured.When his “episode” finishes, the first thing he hears is people yelling and “whining engines.” Then screaming. Then people pleading, shrieking, and omnious thudding outside his door. The screaming and whining engines fit a chaos scenario where zombies are walking about and people have no idea what to do. The pleading and shrieking outside his door fit the frightened cries of people looking for a haven, a safe place to escape from the undead horde, and the “thud” could signify the fact that they weren’t able to escape.”Shuffling” is commonly used to describe the way zombies move, and the violent twisting of the doorknob, the pounding on the door, then later the scratching at the door, along with “that vile gibberish” could be seen as zombies trying to gain entry, with the “vile gibberish” meaning their sad, hungry moans for flesh. Sometimes he can recognize them because they could be the zombified forms of other tenants in the building. And the “occasional shriek or ululating babble” would fit the sounds the undead try to make, but cannot. He’s about to do a very stupid thing because he’s about to walk into the waiting jaws of the hungry dead.On top of all that, barricading oneself is commonly associated with the zombie scenario as well. Indeed, in most zombie movies, you’ll see the protagonists barricade themselves somewhere (a house, a mall, a military base, etc) and even zombie literature, such as the two Max Brooks’ books focus on the importance of proper barricades.That’s how I read it, anyways. That this guy had a history of mental illness/instability is coincidental, for on this one morning, what was commonly his hallucination has become reality, along with that which most don’t think possible: the rise of the dead.I’m probably wrong, though, and looking WAY too far into this. What helps me with this thought — or rather, gives me comfort that I’m not looking too far into this, is the fact that your story “Before” seems to have a hint of zombie in it, as well, so that tells me the subject matter isn’t something you’d shy away from. One thing I liked about Before was how the “zombies” were used purely as a background, never something seen or heard, but simply discussed and known. In that way, it struck a chord with me concerning this story and its possible relation to zombies. Again, they only play a background part.
I love this stuff. Discovered your site today, and they are wonderful. This might be my favorite so far, but I have a few left still.